Absurd Comparisons
Satirical comparisons highlighting government waste
📊 Category Overview
- Total Items: 71 sourced comparisons
- Average Cost: $8,444,146 AUD
- Cost Range: $3 - $500,000,000
- Total Combined Value: $599,534,354.7 AUD
All Absurd Comparisons Comparisons
Cafe Avocado Toast
Smashed avo on sourdough, the reason millennials can't afford houses.
Gold-Plated Koala Statue
Life-size gold-plated koala sculpture for government foyer.
Politician Helicopter Ride
One hour helicopter charter to avoid traffic.
Designer Executive Chair
Ergonomic leather executive chair with gold accents.
Corporate Team Building Retreat
Weekend retreat with trust falls and motivational speakers.
Inspirational Office Poster (framed)
Framed motivational poster with eagles and "SYNERGY".
Consultant PowerPoint Presentation
50-slide deck explaining what your employees already told them.
Executive Leadership Portrait
Oil painting of department secretary for corridor.
Department Rebranding Exercise
New logo that looks exactly like the old one but costs more.
Electric Standing Desk
Height-adjustable desk for maximum productivity theater.
Commercial Office Coffee Machine
Premium espresso machine because instant coffee is for peasants.
Change Management Workshop
Full-day workshop to explain why everything is changing again.
Workplace Mindfulness Consultant
Teach stressed workers to breathe instead of fixing workload.
Designer Bean Bags (set of 4)
Bean bags for "breakout space" that nobody uses.
Corporate Values Consultant
Help discover values everyone already knew: Integrity, Excellence, Innovation.
Corporate Communications Style Guide
200-page guide on how to say nothing in many words.
Agile Transformation Coach
Consultant to make waterfall projects use sticky notes.
Diverse Stock Photo License
Photo of ethnically diverse people laughing at salad.
Innovation Lab Setup
Room with whiteboards where innovation happens by magic.
Annual Sustainability Report
Glossy report about being green while printing it on dead trees.
Team Pizza Party
Pizza instead of pay rise to reward record-breaking workload.
Thought Leadership Article
Ghostwritten LinkedIn article about disrupting paradigms.
Hot Desking Management Software
Software to book desks that used to just exist.
Executive Leadership Coaching
Six sessions to help executive discover they should delegate.
Vision Statement Workshop
Two-day offsite to write "To be the best at what we do".
Employee Engagement Survey
Survey to discover staff are overworked.
Branded Stress Balls (box of 100)
Stress balls with logo because wellness is a commodity.
Cross-functional Synergy Consultant
Consultant to tell teams to talk to each other.
Corporate Values Video
3-minute video nobody watches about values nobody remembers.
Future of Work Research Report
100-page report predicting flexible work (already happening).
Blockchain Proof of Concept
Use blockchain for problem easily solved with spreadsheet.
AI Integration Consultant
Add AI to things that don't need AI because it's 2024.
Metaverse Strategy Consultant
Prepare for metaverse that nobody asked for.
Commemorative Department NFT
Non-fungible token to commemorate department restructure.
Workplace Wellness App Subscription
App to track steps instead of addressing toxic culture.
Digital Transformation Roadmap
Expensive PowerPoint explaining you should use computers.
Office Desk Plant (with pot)
Small succulent to make dystopian office feel natural.
Free Beer for Everyone at MCG
One midstrength beer at MCG.
Tim Tam Packet (200g)
Original Tim Tams at Coles/Woolworths $6.
Bunnings Sausage Sizzle
Snag in bread with onions - peak Australian democracy.
Sydney Harbour Ferry Rides
Single adult ferry trip across Sydney Harbour.
Meat Pie with Sauce
Classic Aussie meat pie from the servo, sauce extra.
Lamington (from school fete)
Single lamington from school fundraiser.
Melbourne CBD Flat White
Single flat white from hipster Melbourne cafe.
Bunnings Warehouse Store
Entire Bunnings Warehouse including land, building, and stock.
Woolworths Mud Cake
The cake that powers every Australian office birthday celebration.
Vegemite Jar (220g)
A jar of concentrated Australian citizenship.
Free Beer for Everyone at NRL Game
One beer at Stadium Australia.
Golden Gaytime Ice Cream
It's hard to have a Gaytime on your own.
Pub Chicken Schnitty with Chips
Parma? Parmi? Who cares - it's a schnitty with chips at the local.
AFL Grand Final Four'n Twenty Pie
Overpriced pie at the footy.
Toyota HiLux SR (new)
Australia's most popular vehicle.
Tank of Petrol (60L)
Full tank at the servo.
Hot Sausage Roll from Bakery
Fresh sausage roll, burning hot, guaranteed to scald your mouth.
Macca's Large Big Mac Meal
It's Macca's, not McDonald's.
Bag of Pink Lady Apples (1kg)
Overpriced fancy apples that taste better than Granny Smiths.
Schooner at the Local Pub
Schooner at your local.
Box of BBQ Shapes
Australia's favourite biscuit (yes, it's a biscuit, not a cracker).
Box of Zooper Doopers (24 pack)
Frozen sugar water that defined Australian childhood summers.
Servo Meat Pie
Classic Australian servo meat pie, lukewarm and questionable filling.
Rent PM's Copacabana House (per week)
Weekly rent for Anthony Albanese's $4.3M clifftop Copacabana beach house.
PM's Return Flight to G20 Summit
VIP return airfare for PM and delegation to G20 Summit (business class).
Albanese's Copacabana Beach House
PM Albanese's $4.3M clifftop Copacabana house.
Voice Referendum (Failed)
Albanese's failed Voice to Parliament referendum.
Prime Minister Annual Salary
PM's annual salary plus allowances.
Flat White (Government Building)
Overpriced coffee from parliament house cafeteria.
Full Royal Commission (2 years)
Complete royal commission with hearings, investigations, and final report.
Senate Inquiry (1 year)
Full senate committee inquiry with hearings and report.
Parliamentary Sitting Day Cost
Total operational cost of one day of federal parliament sitting.
Parliament House Coffees
Flat white at Aussies Cafe, Parliament House.
Government BMW Lease (month)
Ministerial vehicle with driver.